2 Months

October 17, 2011


Dear Julian,

Today you are two months. The month had a rough start as we continued to figure out our feeding issues. We attempted to feed you with a combination of breastfeeding, pumping, and formula supplements – it was exhausting and it wasn’t working. When we realized you hadn’t gained any weight since your third week of life, a doctor admitted you to the hospital to make sure everything was okay. That was my breaking point, and we decided to move to exclusive formula feeding. You are thriving now, getting a little chubbier each day. And the day you turned two months, I decided we needed to start dressing you in 3 months sleepers because you were getting so long. This was an oddly emotional move – especially given that I never thought you’d spend so long in newborn clothes and because we spent time in the hospital because they were worried about your growth; there were just so many memories associated with those little clothes. But we have kinds memories ahead of us, don’t we?

While we were at the hospital, you started smiling in earnest. Early in the morning on our first night there, I picked you up at 4 am, and you gave me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. I needed that smile at that exact moment as I was deciding to quit breastfeeding. You and I had a conversation about it, but I just kept thinking about that smile and knew everything would be okay.

You also loved your plexiglass bassinet at the hospital. You discovered you could knock on the side and it would make a sound. I started knocking back, and you would bring your hand to where mine was on the side. That game and your smile are really my only good memories of your hospital stay.

Once we were home, you continued to work on your tricks. One morning at 3 am, I, bleary eyed, was rocking you when you pulled your pacifier out of your mouth. Then you let out this low gurgle to express your pride in this endeavor. I let out this quiet, breathy laugh. You picked right up on that, looked me in the eye, and smiled. It was as if you were saying, “Yeah, I know, I am *hilarious*.” How many more tricks could you have fit in that moment?

Your cooing has taken off. Your dad and I were just remarking this morning that once you start talking in earnest we are afraid you won’t stop. I get up with you in the morning, and we spend the early morning hours together before I have to go to work. In the last week, you will spend that whole time cooing at me – telling me all kinds of stories. It is the best part of my day.

You are also starting to lift your head up like a pro and reaching for things. You really are a delightful little boy, and your father and I couldn’t be more in love with you. I keep thinking that if I wasn’t so tired maybe I could put that love into words, but that is probably not true. Perhaps it is just best to tell you what we tell each other, and you, on a daily basis – how on earth did we get so lucky to have the cutest, sweetest baby we have ever seen?

Love Always,

Mama